3 Reasons to Teach

Replacement Behaviors

Would you agree that children need to be taught the ins and outs of the world? (I really hope you said yes, but I’ll still like you if you didn’t). They need to be taught morals, social, academic and safety skills as well as so much more.

Why then do we do things like tell a child who is licking a window...to stop? And just leave it there. Yes, an argument could be made that we do it because we are stressed out, overwhelmed and exhausted.

Honestly, it doesn’t really matter why we do it. The missing piece is teaching a replacement behavior. If your child is licking a window, tell them not to (of course), but also tell them why not to and show them what they can lick. (I’m wondering if I could have used a better example than licking a window...but I have your attention maybe?)

1. Encourage independence

2. Lower the need for discipline

3. Promote self-esteem and confidence

1 - Encourage Independence

Teaching a replacement behavior is one way we teach our children right from wrong. If you show your child how you would like them to do something, they won’t need to ask you for help. Which means there is less of a chance you will get frustrated by them doing something different from how you want them to. Hmmm that’s a bit wordy...let me try a different way.

Let’s say your child is full of energy (like, more than usual) and to expel some of this energy they begin jumping on the couch.

You tell them to stop. But, does this keep them from needing to get rid of that extra energy?

What if you ask nicely?

What if you explain to them it’s dangerous?

NO!

Even if they listen and actually stop jumping on the couch, if they still have a case of the wiggles, then they are going to find another way to shake them out (or is that the sillies you shake out?). If you don’t provide them with another way, they might come up with one on their own. And there is a chance it could be worse than jumping on the couch.

I’m not saying you don’t do all that I mentioned above. I’m saying go one step further and give them a replacement behavior. Something they can do that is going to provide them with a similar experience as the one they’re seeking.

Side-note: This is not the same as redirection. Redirection would be pointing them away from what they are doing towards something mainly unrelated in an attempt to distract them.

Let’s put this into play -

• Child is jumping on the couch

• You calmly ask them to stop, explaining that it is dangerous and that you don’t want them to get hurt

• You show them a more appropriate activity for getting out their extra energy: 

  • Trampoline

  • Running outside

  • Pulling hard on a theraband that is tied to a banister or something just as sturdy

BOOM! You just encouraged independence, showing them how to self soothe.

I like to say “teach them to fish”. As in the English proverb “if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day but if you teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime”. Hand that kid a fishing pole, kick back and enjoy the quiet.